And Now I Let Go

I wasn’t going to write about this because yesterday, when I tried to put my thoughts and experience into words, it just wasn’t happening for me.  Thankfully, today it looks like my mental block has mysteriously vanished. What a shame! 😀

As my regular readers know, I’ve been on a quest for Zenitude (Annism!) for quite some time now. Letting go of stress, and calming my overactive brain has never been easy for me, so finding inner peace and calm, and obtaining clarity is something that’s pretty important to me. That said, along my journey I discovered that you can’t just snap your fingers and miraculously feel liberated of all your crap (especially if you own a brain that is in overdrive 24/7 – fantastic!).  There are a multitude of ways to achieve Zenitude once you’ve decided you need to make a change in your life; personally, I opted to use yoga as my tool to find both physical and mental well-being. I already work out and I figured yoga could only compliment that, if nothing else. I’ve been practicing yoga for about four years now, but it’s in the last two years that I really started feeling change happening – to feel more connected and grounded. Along the way I’ve encountered people who think yoga is for hippies, people who don’t think yoga is a ‘real’ sport, and people who just don’t think something like yoga can change a person.  I beg to differ. If you want to know why I disagree with that mindset, check out this post – it talks about my yogic ‘path.’  I’ve talked about this in a few other posts but apparently I didn’t categorize them correctly so you’ll have to read ALL my posts to find them 😉  You might also want to check out and this post – written by guest blogger Bram Levinson (a yogi!). In any case, let’s get to the point of this post already.

Yesterday, I ended up staying in all day, despite my best efforts to go to the gym. In the last month, I’ve been taking a break from everything – both working out and yoga, mainly due to a neck injury that has affected other body parts besides my neck.  At some point, I decided that it was OK for me to not work out  – and it’s OK for me to take a break from yoga, and not just because I have a neck injury. HUGE feat for me, who is typically riddled with guilt each and every time I skip a workout.  Anyway, I woke up and decided that I was going to attack my spare room, which in the last year, has become a depository for anything and everything. I didn’t realize that until I started going through papers under my desk…. and they dated back to April 2009. Oops! Truth be told, I still had unpacked boxes from when I moved back into my condo, post-flooding – those boxes had been neatly piled in a corner since September 2009 so it was about time I unpacked. You should know that when I’m stressed out and/or need to think, I go into a cleaning frenzy. For whatever reason, cleaning (and rearranging furniture) helps me process my thoughts and clear my mind. So off I went, recycling bags in tow. There was nothing significant in what I threw out, or in the things that I came across while I cleaned – nothing that would cause me to whimsically look back on a person or relationship, but at some point, I felt something happening. I suddenly felt like I was letting go – saying good-bye to something. This knowledge was powerful and very clear, and on the inside, I felt blissfully happy. Sure, there were a few tearful moments – but they didn’t last very long since I had no idea why I was tearful to begin with! Even today, I’m not sure what I’ve let go of, but I can tell you that it feels bloody amazing! I feel liberated. Nuts, right? I remember thinking “I’m letting go of the past to make way for the future.”

I believe, that were it not for my yoga practice, this wouldn’t be happening at all. I truly believe that my practice has helped me find peace of mind, clarity and joy.  It has blessed me with the ability to finally let go of the useless crap – even the stuff I didn’t even realize I might still be holding on to.  Sure, I still have a way to go before achieving full-on Zenitude, but I know that I’m on the right path because I have reaped the benefits already.

I foresee a 2011 with much change… and I can’t wait! How about you?

And what were some of your defining moments?

Got something to say? Speak!

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Grateful. Yeah, That’s Right!

So often, we focus our thoughts on the negative, while rarely pausing to think about the positive. It’s much easier to bitch and moan when things don’t go our way, then it is to acknowledge what we’ve been blessed with. How many of you pause to appreciate the little things? What kind of things make you happy? With the holidays fastly approaching and 2010 almost behind us, it’s the perfect time for me to look back at some of the things that I’ve been grateful for this year.

– First off, I’m pretty damn grateful that I finally got off my ass and started writing again after a very, very long hiatus. I’m much happier when I’m writing – though not so much when my inspiration is AWOL, or when it’s stuck inside my head screaming to get out.

– I’m beyond thrilled that I’ve been able to deepen my yoga practice this year. While this is a work in progress, I made some great progress that really motivated and inspired me in 2010. OK, having a crushed disc in my neck currently feels like I’ve taken 15 steps backward but hey, shit happens.

– One of the things that has truly inspired joy in me this year, is my new-found clarity and peace of mind. I’m convinced that this is yoga’s doing – I am now able to see the smallest of things and feel big appreciation for said thing(s). I’ve gone from a half-empty perspective to a half-full perspective. I so rock.

– I’m glad that I finally conquered my hesitation (not to be confused with fear) about practicing yoga in a studio (What if people look at me? What if they notice my flaws? BLAH BLAH BLAH). Who. Cares. But more specifically, I’m glad I started doing Moksha (hot yoga) after a year of procrastination and excuses. Yes, that’s on hold for now but this neck is bound to heal at some point!

– I’m grateful for some of the people that I’ve met via the blogging community. I didn’t expect to build friendships when I started blogging, but have been pleasantly surprised [Hello Jill & Jo! Hello Bram – I look forward to our first ‘date’ – especially now that I know you have a hot accent! ;-)].

– I am always, always grateful for my mom & dad, despite my occasional crank factor. They are amazing, inspirational people, who have always been present and active in myself and my brother’s lives. (Hello mum & dad! Mum, don’t cry for God’s sake!).

– As always, I love my dictionary of Annisms. I am thankful that I have the ability and creativity to come up with shit that most people will never think of. My friends can attest to this, and to appease your curiosity, I shall post the Dictionary of Annisms in the New Year. Friends: please email me your favorites because sadly, I think my age is impacting my memory. What? What do you mean I’m too young to develop Alzheimer’s? :-p

– I am so very grateful that my life isn’t like a soap opera. My GOD, it’s no wonder these people need face lifts and Botox with all that drama!

– I’m thankful that I’ve learned to let go.

– Lastly, I’m thankful that I know myself, that I know who I am, and that I’m happy with me. I leave you with this quote by my friend Dr. Seuss:


“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

What are YOU thankful for? Come on people – talk to me!

Tuesday Pic: Giving Thanks

We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.

– Buddha

Off the Top of My Head: In Search of Pants

Hello blogosphere! Today’s thoughts are brought to you courtesy of my pantaloons. Have you seen them?

I won’t leave you in suspense any longer – I’ve lost my pants. When? No idea. Where? Beats me! How? Honestly, if I knew that I wouldn’t be looking for my pants. I can hear my mom laughing to herself as she reads this – she’s thinking that I’m the only person she knows that can lose a pair of pants. She’s probably right. I’ve searched high and low – the closets, the two gym bags, the dryer, the back of the dryer, the bathroom – no luck. So, if you see a black pair of Lululemon Grooves walking about – send them over my way ’cause they’re missing an arse!

I was on an escalator today, behind a dude with no fashion sense. This fellow was balding and his hairstyle was a hybrid mullet/greasy Gino do. He had slick little curls tied back with a rubber band and the back of his head looked gross, yet I could not turn away. Then I heard a voice inside my head: “Dude, that look died in the 80s for a reason! Cut off his rat tail! Cut it off!” But I kept those thoughts to myself. That is, until I noticed his track suit. Then I just started laughing. It was all I could not to alert the fashion police.

I was standing on the train platform this morning when I was startled by a flock of birds that suddenly appeared above me. I always love the sight of birds flying over me (as long as they’re not crapping on me), but I can never quite express how this makes me feel. Happy – free – alive? How does it make you feel?

Yoga rocks! Fuck the leg injury and say HELLO to the SUN! Be sure to face East people – and remember, breath is life.I think I’m going to start incorporating my Bedouin call into my yoga practice. I suppose it’s a good thing I mostly practice at home. I can’t imagine that other yoginis will appreciate the BC as much as I do 😀



Breathe Deeply…

This week, I’ve allowed people and situations to aggravate me more then I should (mostly because I seem to be encountering a lot of assholes) – and for what, exactly? Yesterday I sat on my living room floor trying to empty my mind when my eyes fell upon these:

I don’t use my blocks during yoga anymore but I keep them in my living room so that I have a constant reminder to BREATHE; to take a deep breath whenever I’m feeling angry, stressed out, unhappy, sad or unhinged. After all, there’s no point in focusing your energy on anger or things that can’t be changed. Rather, one must focus on the positives and the things that CAN be changed.

How do you channel your negative energy? What reminds you to chill out and take a breath?