Before we move on to today’s Mixed Tape selection, I’d like to share the source of my current state of agitation. Those of you who know me, know that I have a long history of shit luck when it comes to neighbors. I don’t know what it is, but I’m certainly not the recipient of good neighborly karma, despite my being a great neighbor: quiet, mind my own business, keep my shit clean. Stomping Tom has been the bane of my existence for six years, but I’m used to him now and lately, he’s been pretty good. Prior to Tom, I had an assortment of loud, noisy upstairs neighbors, including a drunken landlady, a chick who grew pot on her front balcony and two men who I’m sure practiced Kung Fu in their apartment. You may also recall a post where I discussed the pervert who moved in with his mother last summer (next door); the one who sat in the dark, waiting for me to come home at night, and who thought it was perfectly acceptable to watch me do yoga via my patio door. Yes, I have been blessed with much neighborly love over the last few years. Anyway, thanks to the perv being a deadbeat (and his refusal to give up his shitting dog), his mother decided to sell her condo. For the last couple of months, I’ve wondered what kind of asshole would move in next door because let’s face it – my luck sucks when it comes to neighbors. I can be as positive as fucking Ghandi and Mother Teresa combined – my luck still sucks.
So tonight I got home to find the moving truck parked next door. Great – the mystery will finally be solved. Yeah. It’s solved alright. Not only is there a teenager now living next door – there are two. TWO teenagers. Living next to ME, in a bloody 4 1/2, in a building that has no goddamn soundproofing. Thank you neighbor Gods – thank you for ensuring that my shit luck did NOT run out. Now, I don’t know if we have a single parent situation going on or what – but these buildings are primarily inhabited by folk who are retired. Old folk. Folk who don’t want noisy assholes and scooter gangs taking over the hood. As LUCK would have it, these pubescent fuckwits haven’t even unpacked yet (How do I know this? The damn moving truck is still here!), and their posse of fuckards has already set up camp on the front lawn. I’m taking all of this as a sign that I need to pack my shit and get the hell out. Oh sure, maybe they’ll make fabulous neighbors – but I doubt it. Tomorrow I’m going to check out noise-canceling headphones. I want a pair that cancels out noise by 110%. Do they make those?
I am sure you will all find Friday’s selection pretty fucking ironic considering my current mood (I’m writing this Thursday night). Sure, I could’ve picked something else but I wasn’t in the mood to go through my music in search of a replacement. Also, my fucking iPod has frozen and I’m still trying to figure out how to get the damn thing to show a sign of life. So, without further ado, today’s Mixed Tape selection is:
Now, having watched the video, I’m sure you’re thinking my selection isn’t that ironic after all. Padded rooms, scissors and stuffed toys – now that’s what I’m talking about. Neighbors, watch out – I’ll go ape shit on your asses.