Off the Top of My Head – 5’11

1- Ghandi took the train with me yesterday. If it wasn’t him, he has a twin residing in Montreal. Similarly, Tori took the bus yesterday and discovered that Morgan Freeman was driving it. If it wasn’t him, he has a twin residing in Britain. As far as twins go, I met mine 10 years ago while at my former job; random people kept confusing me with someone called ‘Eileen’ and I frequently found myself involuntarily participating in conversations with people I didn’t know, discussing things I knew nothing about. I think it was the blank expression on my face that usually caused them to realize that a) I had no idea what they were going on about and b) that I wasn’t ‘Eileen.’ One day, I was in the loo washing my hands when I noticed someone next to me. We both looked up into the mirror at the same time and did a double take. It turned out that Eileen and I were almost the spitting image of one another – the only difference was that Eileen sported a nose ring and was a wee bit shorter than me. We had the same body shape, eye color, hair color/style, complexion – it was bloody weird! Especially since she’d come over from Scotland shortly before we’d met. Have you met your twin yet?

2- Remember the Asian dude that likes to stare at me in the coffee shop? The one who physically moves in order to be in my immediate presence so that he can stare at me more closely? He still does that.  But now, there’s an old dude who has picked up Asian dude’s habit. Isn’t there some kind of coffee shop etiquette about not staring at people who are trying to relax and enjoy their morning coffee? I must give off some kind of special coffee shop pheromone or something.

3- I’ve found two pennies in the last two days. Does this mean I’m in for some luck, or that I’m going to get lucky? What…? Get your mind out of the gutter people!  Speaking of pennies – what’s the etiquette surrounding the finding of a penny? Are you supposed to keep it or give it away? If I keep it, do my odds of winning the lottery go up?

4-Two women on the train were discussing a gathering that they’d been too recently, when I heard my name (Ann). I didn’t think much of it until I heard my last name being mentioned as well. Apparently I didn’t attend their little gathering – I didn’t have the heart to tell them they hadn’t invited me to begin with.  So, there’s another me living in my town – she also goes to the same eye doctor as me, and in addition, there is another me who goes to the same hot yoga studio as I do. But I mean, seriously, everyone knows there’s only one real ME roaming these streets. Lelelelelele!

5- Jabba the Hut now makes sure he doesn’t sit anywhere near me at the coffee shop. Good man. Guess he learned his lesson.

6- Sunday was beautiful and sunny so I spent the day outside. Apparently the only part of my face that tanned, were my nose and chin. Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer over here…

7- Did a guy just seriously tell me that he had a perfect body? Dude, I’m looking at you – where’s the perfection? Do I need a magnifying glass or is that perfect body hiding behind your giant ego?

8- Why do smokers think it’s OK to pick the spot YOU’RE in, and light up? Isn’t it obvious that I’m not smoking? Why would you presume that I’d want to get a whiff of your stupid cancer stick, you big bunch of morons!

9- And finally, this damn Blackberry deleted my original post from Mobile Drafts again! Fucking piece of crap! I even checked twice to make sure that it had saved properly, but when I went to add to the post later, the damn thing was gone! Tabarnac.

So, got any random thoughts to share with me on this fine Tuesday?  I know y’all must have at least one!

Got something to say? Speak!

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10 thoughts on “Off the Top of My Head – 5’11

  1. Morgan Freeman’s twin drives a bus in Britain? I thought for sure he was evil and named Lucifer!

    Man was I off!

    But what’s new, right?

    I’ve not met my doppleganger, but 10 years ago a coworker came back from vacation and said he saw her…working at a nude beach!

  2. You are continually hilarious. I just read your Jabba the Hut post–“Turdtastic” and “Plumptastic” sound wonderful. And, please don’t hate me, but, was your mom or dad ever in Scotland 20-some years ago? Just saying. And pennies just piss me off–I think it’s unlucky to have the worthless things in my pocket.

  3. Random thoughts of mine
    Ok first off people please when phoning customer service in a mall to ask for a phone number A. Why don’t you all have a pen and paper?! I mean you are calling for a number right? I don’t understand.
    B. When asking for a number can you please not start punching the number on your phone while I’m giving it to you, it hurts the ears and in my opinion is rather rude!

    Why do people grab? Were people not taught to yank stuff away from your hand? I know I was.but apparently not very many other people were.

    I found a penny today too! Well actually yesterday it was near my information booth in the middle of the mall,it was there yesterday afternoon,and when I came back this morning it was still there, does that mean it was meant to be mine? Lol
    I just stuck in the desk.

    I never met my twin, I know I have one though, I saw her once while grocery shopping she had the same face as me, but her hair was longer..was quite strange.

    Have a good Tuesday everyone 🙂

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