Hear ye! Hear ye!
The second installment of Off The Top of My Head (2011) is now in session. You are therefore required to sit your buttocks down and start reading immediately! (Oh, was that too harsh? But look! Instead of using ‘asses’, I used ‘buttocks!).
– I wonder how often bartenders sleep with their patrons…. I suppose if I asked one of them, they would deny ever sleeping with a client, which would of course be utter bullshit. Same goes for bouncers. Anyone have any first-hand knowledge to share?
– I heard a guy talking on his cell phone the other night; he was telling the person on the other end that he would kill himself if he got a parking ticket. He reiterated repeatedly that he would just KILL himself. Really? Over a $45 parking ticket? Dude needs to start meditating or something. Also, try looking at the parking restrictions on all of those ‘No Parking’ signs posted all over town – then perhaps we can avoid a blood bath. Duh?
– I heard a guy talking on his cell phone at lunch today (yes, another one); he was telling the person on the other end of the line that during his/her driving courses, they must have been told how to determine where one is allowed to park their car. Uh, OK seriously? Do you people not know how to read parking signs? Furthermore, does one really need a driving class to figure out where and where not to park!?
– If you go to the pub, and you decide to eat, and you look at the menu for half an hour…..can you explain to me why you end up with Caesar salad? It took you a half hour to peruse the menu and you picked salad? That’s just odd. One does not go to the pub to eat salad. You need to aim for something more exciting – like Guinness stew, or home fries with curry mayo. Or the standard pub fare of fish n’ chips.
– I wonder what it feels like to have man-boobs. I mean, for a man, that is. I wonder if it’s the equivalent of how a flat-chested chick feels? Any dudes with man-boobs and/or flat-chested gals who can provide some input? 😀
– If say, an “organization” gives one a laptop… and said laptop is a piece of crap that affects one’s productivity such that one can’t bloody work without rebooting the damn thing 15 times in one day…. and this is compounded by other annoying problems… and this goes on for say, a year. Then one gets fed up and demands a new laptop so that one can once again be productive…. can someone explain to me why said “organization” replaces the piece of crap laptop, with an allegedly “new” laptop (read: refurbished) that was previously a piece of crap for someone else? Are we playing musical craptops here or what? Perhaps said “organization” is just switching things up so that instead of the usual problems, one can be plagued with brand new ones? You know, to keep things exciting?
– It is my belief that there are people in this world who think that owning an iPhone or Blackberry makes them cool. It’s all in the attitude – the expression on their faces as they ever so gently tap that iPhone screen, or in the tone of their voices as they speak authoritatively to their mothers via their Blackberrys. Why is it that people are so attached to these contraptions? And why do they hold such an important place in our lives? They’re phones! (I’m excluding myself from “our lives” because frankly, I can live my life with no phone at all). When I see you with your iPhone, or your Android, or your Blackberry – I do not think you are cool. I think you’re a slave to your phone. Your over-priced phone.
And this concludes today’s random thoughts. Got random thoughts of your own? You know I’d love to hear them!