Sweet! Off the Top of My Head: 2’2011

Hear ye! Hear ye!
The second installment of Off The Top of My Head (2011) is now in session. You are therefore required to sit your buttocks down and start reading immediately! (Oh, was that too harsh? But look! Instead of using ‘asses’, I used ‘buttocks!).

– I wonder how often bartenders sleep with their patrons…. I suppose if I asked one of them, they would deny ever sleeping with a client, which would of course be utter bullshit. Same goes for bouncers. Anyone have any first-hand knowledge to share?

– I heard a guy talking on his cell phone the other night; he was telling the person on the other end that he would kill himself if he got a parking ticket. He reiterated repeatedly that he would just KILL himself. Really? Over a $45 parking ticket? Dude needs to start meditating or something. Also, try looking at the parking restrictions on all of those ‘No Parking’ signs posted all over town – then perhaps we can avoid a blood bath. Duh?

– I heard a guy talking on his cell phone at lunch today (yes, another one); he was telling the person on the other end of the line that during his/her driving courses, they must have been told how to determine where one is allowed to park their car. Uh, OK seriously? Do you people not know how to read parking signs? Furthermore, does one really need a driving class to figure out where and where not to park!?

– If you go to the pub, and you decide to eat, and you look at the menu for half an hour…..can you explain to me why you end up with Caesar salad? It took you a half hour to peruse the menu and you picked salad? That’s just odd. One does not go to the pub to eat salad. You need to aim for something more exciting – like Guinness stew, or home fries with curry mayo. Or the standard pub fare of fish n’ chips.

– I wonder what it feels like to have man-boobs. I mean, for a man, that is. I wonder if it’s the equivalent of how a flat-chested chick feels? Any dudes with man-boobs and/or flat-chested gals who can provide some input? ๐Ÿ˜€

– If say, an “organization” gives one a laptop… and said laptop is a piece of crap that affects one’s productivity such that one can’t bloody work without rebooting the damn thing 15 times in one day…. and this is compounded by other annoying problems… and this goes on for say, a year. Then one gets fed up and demands a new laptop so that one can once again be productive…. can someone explain to me why said “organization” replaces the piece of crap laptop, with an allegedly “new” laptop (read: refurbished) that was previously a piece of crap for someone else? Are we playing musical craptops here or what? Perhaps said “organization” is just switching things up so that instead of the usual problems, one can be plagued with brand new ones? You know, to keep things exciting?

– It is my belief that there are people in this world who think that owning an iPhone or Blackberry makes them cool. It’s all in the attitude – the expression on their faces as they ever so gently tap that iPhone screen, or in the tone of their voices as they speak authoritatively to their mothers via their Blackberrys. Why is it that people are so attached to these contraptions? And why do they hold such an important place in our lives? They’re phones! (I’m excluding myself from “our lives” because frankly, I can live my life with no phone at all). When I see you with your iPhone, or your Android, or your Blackberry – I do not think you are cool. I think you’re a slave to your phone. Your over-priced phone.

And this concludes today’s random thoughts. Got random thoughts of your own? You know I’d love to hear them!

 

Advertisements

23 thoughts on “Sweet! Off the Top of My Head: 2’2011

  1. ok here we go! haha! ๐Ÿ˜‰
    My sister is a bartender and I can only speak of what I know from her. she does not sleep with her patrons, that is the last thing she wants to do. What would she like to do with/to them? Kick them in the shins, tell them to shut up, make them tip better etc.
    I can tell you from a non-boob having stand point (I used to have them then I had kids and they disappeared, so much that my husband looked at an old pic and said “you did have boobs!” Thanks babe, thanks) that is sucks. Thank god for miracle bras. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    I have an iphone and I’m the coolest person in the world! Have you met me? it’s all because of my iphone! ๐Ÿ˜‰ hahaha!
    Have a fabulous day!!!

  2. I love my Android. Yeah it’s basically an overpriced MP3 player with the added bonus of time wasting games for the bus. But, it’s still new to me, so therefore I love it. Ask me again in a few months.

    Hey, YOU had salad the other day, lol!

    Can I add something? A recent discovery that almost made me cry (yes…really).
    canada.zappos.com is shutting down. They sell shoes. In my freakish ski-size. I know it means nothing to you with the normal size feet, but to me it means I have to go back to *gasp* the Tranny section at Payless – the ONLY shoe store in this whole city that sells my size for less than $300.

    Just had to get that off my chest. I knew you’d care.

    • I would like to point out that we were NOT at a pub when I had salad. We were at 3B which is far from being an Irish pub. Just wanted to clarify.

      As for Zappos – damn! They were the only place that hd my ‘perfect’ shoe! They even gave me free shipping because I had to get them sent to someone in the US, who then had to ship them to me here. It was quite the elaborate shoe acquiring process LOL.

  3. Thank you for your attack on Mr T!

    With that being said, some people merely use their iPhones to stay in touch with their Canadian friends and read their friend’s brilliant blog while on the road because they are without Internet access. Just sayin…

  4. (dictated by Mr T and transcribed by Thy) Us cool iPhone users depend on spectacular, fairly priced devices because we are way too important to have to sit down at a desk with said craptop. Some of us are even too important to type such comments on our own iPhones. 8)

  5. Good post as always Ann:)

    Just a couple of comments, I’m flat chested I like it! No back problems, no guys staring at my chest when they talk to me instead if my eyes, I wouldn’t want a big chest. But that’s me.

    And Uhmmm I like my over priced Crackberry I am not a slave to it at all, I love that I can get my email at any time talk to friends and well most of all I am a gadget girl! I love gadgets! I love things that are shiny and have lights and buttons,always have.

    I can’t believe your “organization” gave you a second hand laptop with the same crappy problems as the first one, cheap! Or they need a much better IT department to fix the problems.

    Have a good one everybody! ๐Ÿ˜€

    • I think you feel differently if you’re given a Blackberry for work purposes – because the expectation is that you are almost always available. If you have a BB for personal use, you can switch off whenever you want, and you aren’t constantly inundated with work emails etc.

      No, no – we are talking about ‘one’ person – whoever could it be? Not me, I say – not me! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Lol true true my BB is for personal use so I have more fun with it ๐Ÿ™‚

        Oh sorry,yes I meant that “person” in that “organization” not you! no didn’t mean to say it was you at all ๐Ÿ˜€

Speak y'all! Or forever hold your peace.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s