Off The Top of My Head: 1’2011

It’s been a pretty long time since I’ve written one of these, so I thought I’d share a few interesting tidbits from the last couple of weeks (read: random thoughts & situations). Perhaps you have some interesting perplexions of your own to share – if so, please do so via the Comment box! You know I’m always interested in hearing from you people!

Alright, here we go!

Let us pray…. No, really – and let’s do it on the train!
I don’t encounter people who pray on the train very often, however last week this happened twice (yes, in the same week!). Highly perplexing, my friends, highly perplexing. So, last Monday I was contemplating what to listen to on my iPod when out of the corner of my eye, I saw some gesticulation going on. I looked up, fully expecting to see two angry commuters flipping each other the bird, but instead found myself quizzically staring at the fellow in front of me. There he sat, eyes closed, making the sign of the cross. Well, this is very interesting, I thought to myself, head cocked to the side. I observed him for a moment then realized that I probably shouldn’t be staring at him and promptly went back to my music.  I likely would’ve forgotten all about this intriguing moment, had it not happened again on Thursday.  There I sat (again), in deep contemplation of what I should listen to (again), when a couple sat across from me. Normally, I don’t pay attention to train people because most of them are miserable A-holes and who needs negative energy first thing in the morning, right?  But there was no negative energy emanating from this couple at all. In fact, they were shiny, happy people and I can only assume that they were newlyweds or something. I observed them as they gazed into each others’ eyes, giggling and holding hands while whispering to each other. These were definitely not normal train people – normal train people are rude and grumpy. The next thing I know, they (the couple) clasped each others’ hands and started praying. Out loud. This lasted for quite some time and I admit that I was pretty darn curious to know what the hell they were praying for; sadly, they were praying in a different language so no amount of eavesdropping was going to reveal their secret. Damn! So anyway, I have a few questions: first, the train is noisy and filled with miserable people – can one tune out all of the commotion (and negativity) when praying? Secondly, do any of you pray in public places and if so, do you do so openly or do you opt for a more subtle method, such as praying in your head? Inquiring minds want to know.

I’m deaf, take a card?
I remember, many years ago, when it was fashionable for allegedly deaf people to go out to public places with little cards that said something like “I am deaf, please buy this card.” I never really understood the purpose of this practice because I saw a few things wrong with it: 1) I’m naturally suspicious of most people so I have to ask myself: are these people really deaf? I mean, anyone can go around trying to sell cards that say “I’m deaf” in order to make a buck – who would ever know the difference?  2) If in fact, said people are deaf, is this how they make a living? Because in my opinion, while being deaf may limit your employment options, there are still plenty of things one can do to earn a living, besides nagging strangers to buy cards they’ll end up tossing two minutes after they buy them. Is it just me? Am I being a heartless biatch?

Your Head as a Tabletop

If you’re a regular reader, you know that the train’s going to come up in my posts; last week on the ride home, a kid sat next to me wearing big-ass headphones.  That could only mean that this dude was serious about his music. That’s cool – being a music lover, I can appreciate that. Except that the kept bopping his head monotonously… over and over and over. It drove me nuts. He was like the bloody Energizer bunny, full charged! Admittedly, I had to restrain myself from grabbing his head and holding it in place. Just when I thought there was no end in sight, this giant Spaniard, standing to the right of the head bopper, pulled out a newspaper. Then, in a way that only train assholes have, he proceeded to rest his newspaper on the back of the bopper’s head. For REAL people – this guy was using the bopper’s head as a tabletop! How rude! The kid kept looking up at the Spaniard and shifting his head – you know, to indicate that this was not cool – but shit-for-brains was completely oblivious to his own behavior and kept shifting his newspaper around on this poor kid’s head. Needless to say, that there was no more head bopping after that. Luckily, the kid’s stop was up and he got off the train. As luck would have it. SFB sat down next to me and spread out in such a way that indicated he was definitely not familiar with Commuter Etiquette 101. He was practically in my seat! His body was pressed up against me and his legs were pushing against mine because he was spread-eagle! Let me tell you something – SFB is lucky that I resisted the urge to make him swallow his own balls as punishment!

Young Cops Are Punks
Yes, they are. I went to the dry-cleaners on Monday. On my way there, I drove through three different speeding zones: 50 km, 30 km, and back to 50 km. Tell me something, what the fuck is the purpose of having three different zones on one fucking road? Is it specifically so that cops who have nothing better to do with their time, can harass drivers? On my way back from the dry-cleaners, I got pulled over by a young prick in an unmarked car. I was genuinely perplexed by this because I was sure that I was following the limit, and that I’d come to full stops at the STOP signs and the red light. So I look at the prick and ask “What did I do?” This is when he informed me that I had been going 50 km in a 30 km zone. I just looked at him in disbelief. I bit my tongue. Hard. For a moment I saw red. Really? I was going 50 km in a 30 km? Would this be the 30 km zone that’s strategically positioned in-between two 50 km zones? When the prick returned, he handed me the ticket and said “Here’s your ticket” (Thanks dumbass! I thought you were giving me your winning lotto ticket instead!), and proceeded to inform me that I had 30 days to pay or contest the ticket. Then he told me to have a nice day and to ‘be prudent.’  Are you kidding me? Get off your high horse buddy – just because you wear a uniform doesn’t mean you’re better then anyone else. Case in point: when I looked at the ticket, I really couldn’t believe this asshole had pulled me over. I lost one demerit point and was fined $90. Seriously? Were you so desperate to prove your manly worth, that you had to nuke ONE demerit point!? Could you not just warn me, or point out that the 30km zone is stupidly inserted between two 50km zones? No, of course not, because you’re a moron. Beware of young cops people, because they have something to prove at your expense!

Run My Ass Down
Have my fellow Montrealers noticed the new driving trend that is currently in place? Were you all aware that the SAAQ modified their road signalization recently? Yeah – apparently, when you see a pedestrian crosswalk sign (which is a little LED man simulating a WALK), you can just go ahead and turn anyway, regardless of whether or not there are human beings in your path! It’s OK man – I don’t mind getting my ass run down by some impatient prick! Oh no, you don’t have to wait for the little LED man to be replaced with a full green light – after all, road signs are only for tourists!

And this concludes today’s random thoughts.

Thank you and have a nice day.



6 thoughts on “Off The Top of My Head: 1’2011

  1. I’m sorry but I just have to laugh at the guy who used the kids head as a tabletop. That is hilarious. As rude as that is, it is also funny as hell and I would’ve have a really hard time containing myself.

    I don’t understand those that pray in public either. I;m with you on this though and am curious to know why people feel the need to do it and what purpose does it serve?

    As far as the cards for the deaf go, I’ve bought them. And yes, it ended up in the trash shortly after. When I loved in southern California they did a news report on that sort of thing. There was a group of people who were selling those cards and pins too who were claiming to be deaf. These people were making hundreds of dollars in a day and could in fact hear perfectly fine. They had stolen the idea from a deaf school. So while there are in fact deaf people who sell these types of things, you have a right to be suspicious.

  2. Let’s start with praying. Unless you call yelling “Oh holy shit” as I fly in the air while sledding Praying I don’t understand it and haven’t since I was about 9.

    As far as the train goes, well I feel your pain as we have found in earlier posts.

    Young cops. Well personally I find most cops are pricks. It comes with the badge I think. But you are so right on those speed zone changes. We have one right by the house on a highway with no stops. The same couple of cops are there all the time waiting for someone not to see the sign.

    • I think cops have nothing better to do with their time. Why don’t they pay more attention to people with road rage, or people who don’t respect road signalization at all – like those fuckers who turn on the pedestrian sign?

  3. LOL!

    I could relate to far too much of this.
    As for spread-eagled commuters, I have no problem whatsoever, making eye-contact and saying, “Would you mind keeping your thighs on your seat, I am not comfortable sharing.” The results are amazing, give it a try.

    As for speeding tickets, it’s been a long time since I have been stopped. But, way back when, I remember a cop giving me a lecture about speed & safety. Finally, I interrupted him & said, “My tax dollars pay you to write the tickets. If I want a safety lecture I can go to traffic school. Just give me the ticket and move on.” He was not pleased. LOL! They are so used to having their butts kissed, they have no idea what to do when you don’t give a fig!

    Happy Commuting!

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