After using Windows for a number of years, I finally migrated over to Mac last month. Let’s be honest – while I’m certainly not what you would call an aficionado when it comes to computers and operating systems, I do use a computer on a daily basis and reckon I know a thing or two about how they work. Unfortunately, every company that I’ve ever worked for has operated on different variations of Windows – Win98, NT, XP, Vista and so on, which has been the bane of my professional existence for longer then I care to remember. There’s just no getting away from MicroShit. Well, as a result of my new-found relationship with Mactop, I’ve spent the last month geekily salivating over the wonder that is Mac/ Snow Leopard. Heck, I spend half my time stroking Mactop’s aluminum casing, it is just THAT awesome. I write this today, to encourage all you PC users to come out of the darkness and into the apple-shaped light!
Etiquette for Winblows:
Hello? Is there anybody in there? Boot up if you can hear me… is there anyone home?: OK, can someone explain to me why it takes almost 10 minutes to boot up my laptop? I mean, are we still living in the technologically challenged dark ages? It’s not like I’m running programs for NASA over here! Hell, even when my laptop was new, it still took as long to load. I suppose if Windows didn’t require 500 sub-applications in order to function, we might get somewhere faster. Mac? I press the button and voilà – the damn machine is on and ready to go.
Return to Sender: If booting up the machine isn’t aggravating enough, I also have to wait at least 5 additional minutes for Outlook to load. Once it decides to connect to the server, I then have to wait an additional three minutes for it to get out of the freeze zone and start downloading my emails. Bloody hell. It’s OK – I’m not in a hurry or anything. I only have 50 emails marked ‘urgent’ to action but you just take your sweet time. My solution to problems #1 and #2: I never shut down the machine. I don’t close Outlook nor do I power off the laptop. That way, I don’t have to wait half a year to get shit done.
A Snail’s Pace: But wait, I’m not done (she squeals with glee)! Once OE has exited the freeze zone, it needs about 15 seconds to download each email. That’s right people – 15 seconds per email, and that’s if no attachments are involved! To re-quote myself: Bloody HELL. But wait, it’s still not over! While downloading my emails, Outlook spontaneously decides to take a break – so it goes into freeze mode and taunts me until I have no other choice but to shut the damn thing down. Great, now I have to start the process all over again! And let’s not forget that Outlook has these mood swings several times a day. I am convinced Windows was created just to test my patience.
Click. Repeat. Click. Repeat. REPEAT! FUCK!: I can try to reload Outlook until the damn cows come home – it ain’t gonna happen. In order to get Outlook working again, I have to reboot the machine <sigh>. For. Real. This process is extremely efficient, isn’t it? And so it begins, the great battle of my time. Or at least, of my morning. Where are those Orks when you need them?
Intermission: At this point, I’ve already spent an hour just booting up (and rebooting!) the damn machine, and downloading emails. Efficiency at its best!
Ground Control to Major Tom: One of my new favorite things involves working on rush projects that require manual data manipulation in Exel or SPSS. My favorite part of this task is when I’m DONE. When I can finally save that bigass file that I’ve spent an hour working on. You should know that I really dislike data. It is at this exact moment that Windows chooses to drop me from my WiFi connection. Tabarnac! Thanks to Winblows’ inability to multitask (God forbid it expel me from wifi AND ask me if I want to save the damn file I’m about to lose), I will have to start the aforementioned task all over again! And if that weren’t enough, the only way that I can reconnect to wireless is to reboot the fuckin’ machine. It is at this point that I start pounding on the desk in an agitated manner. My reaction is commonly referred to as having a shit fit. And for good reason!
Peek-A-B00 Where Are You?: Sub-folders. Need I say more? With Mac, I need only apply some logic: If I were file X, where would I be? Well, if it were ME, I would save file X in folder X. Click folder X and tada! There’s my file! No labyrinthian bullshit like Windows.
Attack!: I couldn’t find an accurate count for the number of known viruses that affect Windows, but I can tell you that they significantly outnumber those that target Mac. Who here hasn’t been the victim of a Windows virus at least once, if not multiple times? Assholes!
I’m sure that there are plenty of issues I haven’t addressed in this post but let’s face it – I don’t have time to write a book on the joys of Windows. So dear readers and fellow Winblows users, what are some of your PC-related pet peeves? And if you’re on Mac, what are some of the things you like the most? Do you prefer PC to Mac?
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