Train on Me, Train on You

It’s been a while since I’ve shared one of my train stories, so I thought I’d break my temporary vow of silence and start the week off on the right foot.

First, let’s talk about the trio of A-holes who invaded my little quad today – mom, dad and String-bean. I suddenly found myself surrounded by various body parts and other assorted shit that came in the form of jackets, toques, school bags, lunch bags, newspapers and pencils. I don’t know about you, but I LOVE being surrounded by other people’s shit, and if you include a little inappropriate touching in there, I am in Heaven. Perhaps you’ve confused the commuter train with a cargo ship? Perhaps you’ve forgotten that we are not traveling on VIA Rail, but via the AMT? Are you moving? Going on a trip? No? Then is it necessary to carry your kitchen sink around with you? Note: If you want to carry that much shit around, get a car!

As for String-bean – this kid did not sit across from me – he slouched across from me while almost fully extending his legs, and making me feel like a prisoner in my own seat. At one point, his damn knee was actually between my legs – are you kidding me? Are we dating or something? This is a clear violation of Commuter Etiquette 101! Apparently repeatedly stepping on his foot didn’t clue him in to the fact that maybe, he was taking up just a little too much room. His parents were of course, present, but did not deem it necessary to have him sit up like a civilized human being. I suppose it won’t come as a surprise when I tell you that the next thing I know, String-bean’s mother had leaned over me, her thigh pressing up against mine, while her bloody elbow was perched on my knee. My INJURED knee. Dude. I don’t think so. I was so aggravated that I let out a sigh that came out sounding more like a rumbling grunt, and then I shoved her with my leg. Who does that? What kind of society are we living in that makes it OK to lean up on total strangers? What do people not get about the concept of personal space?

The trio eventually got off the train, but was soon replaced by the couple who spent most of their train commute making out. I can’t decide what’s more annoying – strangers pushing up on me or watching two idiots exchange saliva for the whole world to see.

I wonder if Thomas allows this kind of inappropriate behavior in his caboose?

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11 thoughts on “Train on Me, Train on You

  1. Loving it! Damn I love your crazy train stories. You should wear a mask, ya know? Like when SARS was the big thing. And cough every once in a while, just to set the mood. I bet it would scare the shit out of people and they would avoid you like the plague! Go get your personal space back friend! LMAO

  2. I use to take the train and bus to work, how I feel your pain. Over the years I’ve learned to find a seat close to someone who has the same route I do or at least looks like they know the unwritten but commensence rules of public transit when possible. I’ve seen a lot and love sharing the stories of the soap opera we call commuting with my wife. I see a TV show your future if you’ve seen half the crap I have. Good luck and look forward to more.

  3. LMAO! I know it was hell for you, but train tales are a riot for us readers. I knew the kid’s parents were right there. I told ya, that terrible behavior can almost always be attributed to lackluster parenting. I went to the spa one day and this woman was letting her tyrant of a child scream and run around in the lobby as I awaited my appointment. He actually ran directly up to me, stopped and started touching my leg. I wasn’t as polite as you. I let him know to get his hands off me. Like clockwork, his mother turned around and looked at me as if I were the rude one because I didn’t want little Johnny and his snotty hands touching my body!

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