So I’m Single… And?

Murphy’s Law seems to stipulate that if you like a guy, that guy will almost always not like you back. So, when that happens, why can’t we just let it go? Why must we go out of our way to seek out his affection or draw attention to ourselves when the feeling’s not mutual? In my personal opinion, it’s just not worth it. If I show interest and a guy doesn’t, I move on. I don’t waste my time or my energy – after all, I could be doing yoga or hanging out with my friends. Not so when I was younger of course – but I suppose the difference now is that I’m past that awkward teen to early twenties stage and have nothing to prove to anyone. Got a boyfriend? Great! Don’t got a boyfriend? Also great! Perhaps this is why I’ve been voluntarily single for the last four years. Don’t get your panties in a bunch – four years is not dramatic. I made the choice to be single and it’s something that I’m quite happy with. After my last relationship ended, I took some time to reconnect with myself and I realized that I had no desire to be in a relationship. Just thinking about it gave me a headache. Did I really want the aggravation, the stress and the complications that a guy brought to my life? No thank you!  Sure, I’ll admit that dating a big fat baby who still lived at home, and who allowed his parents to dictate every aspect of his life because he didn’t have a penny to his name helped me make that decision, but I’d like to clearly state that I don’t have it out for men. I am not a man hater and for the most part, I don’t lump them all into the same category. I’m older and wiser now (side note: I remember very clearly what my mantra was in my late teens – “Men suck!.” My, how things have changed!). Simply put, the thought of being in a relationship turns me off. Right now, I am all about simplicity, independence and keeping it real. Besides, having to deal with a new relationship would take away from my ongoing search for zenitude.

The truth is, I have always been my own person. While I may have made the mistake of staying in a relationship knowing that I probably shouldn’t, I’ve never let a man define me and I never will. Similarly, it will be one cold day in hell before I ever identify or label myself as ‘single.’ I am independent, intelligent, loyal, and strong. I am many things but I am not ‘single.’ This word does not define me as it seems to do for some women. I am always amazed at the number of women who seem to think that being single is some kind of characteristic or flaw – or worse – a curse! Women who focus so intently on this that it becomes all-consuming. Give me a break. Is it really that big a deal to be single? Do they shoot single people now? Are you looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now? Because there IS a difference. Personally, I’ve never felt like I needed a man in order to be happy, or self-sufficient. I feel that there is a vast difference between ‘want’ versus ‘need’, and I’m not a fan of the word ‘need’ unless it involves getting U2 tickets. To me, ‘need’ implies that you cannot live without something (such as U2 tickets) whereas ‘want’ is more of a… ‘nice to have.’ Sure I want it, but I can live without it. It is therefore very difficult for me to identify with women who have the ‘need’ mentality because I just don’t get it. Seriously, it’s a foreign concept to me. Rather then focusing on finding a man, why not focus on other things in your life? Work out, see your friends, travel, shoot photos, try different things – there are so many great things that we can invest our time and effort into and they don’t have to involve the hunt for the perfect man. I wonder if men waste as much time as we do thinking about how they need to find a woman. I doubt it.

I mentioned earlier that I don’t need a man in order to be happy. I truly believe this; no matter who you are with, it is not your partner’s responsibility to make you happy. Happiness comes from within, and you must first be happy with yourself before you can ever be happy with someone else. I’m very happy with my life. If I was to date someone (this would mean breaking my 4-year hiatus) and things were going well then I could only hope to feel happier with my life. Meaning that I am already happy… and having a great guy to share my happiness with would simply make me happier. I cannot stress this difference enough! I don’t believe that one can find happiness in other people. And if you stop to think about it, that is putting a heck of a lot of pressure on your partner, and they are likely never going to live up to your expectations. I think relationships are about compromising so that at the end of the day, both parties are happy with the relationship, and with themselves.

I’m more of a go-with-the-flow type of gal. I believe that if something is meant to be, then it will be. If the right guy’s out there, then I will find him or he will find me. As the old adage goes, it’ll happen when you least expect it, so in the meantime, go and have some fun!

Making new friends at FAO Shwartz!


5 thoughts on “So I’m Single… And?

  1. I love this! Have you ever gotten the look of horror when you tell a not so single person that you are “alone” (that’s how they interpret it)? While we’re mostly on the same page, you gave me a lot of other things to think about! BTW of course U2 tickets are a need! That’s how I feel about tickets for Prince’s upcoming tour lol!

    • Yes Jo! (Mind if I call you Jo? 😉 ) Two years ago I was at our family’s New Year lunch. I had barely arrived when one of my aunts walked over to me (very determinedly I might add) and said to me: You’re alone in life?

      I looked at her (in my head thinking ‘dude, you’re an asshole) and told that quite the opposite – I had great parents, a brother, numerous friends, a variety of interests. She looked at me stumped. Puh-leeze!

      • I don’t mind at all! That’s a new nickname for me. I like it. Oh yes, I know the exact puzzled look that was on your aunt’s face! Alone in life? Wow! At about 11, my nephew asked me “Auntie Jon’ette, when are you going to get married, have kids and a real life?” If he didn’t share my bloodline, I would have put him out of my car LOL!

  2. I love this post and agree with you wholeheartedly. That is one reason why I created my blog to celebrate being a single woman homeowner and to celebrate being able to do ANYTHING solo if you so choose. Stopping by from SITS.

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